TF2: The Animated Series!
by Scriptythelonely
Summary: Hey you! Still waiting on Comic 7? Need new content to binge on? Need something to show your parent's when you start giggling like a maniac? Look no further than the 'Animated' Series! (An au to the comics. Updates every 1-2 months. Follows a Villain of the Week plot line. Feel free to spam me if I get lazy. cross-posted on ao3)
1. Meet The Aimbot

Episode 1

'That was an amazing defense!... BY THE OPPOSITION!'

"OH MY GOD, SOLDIER, SHUT UP!" Scout exclaimed as he tossed himself onto a chair. He didn't get too much time to relax, as Soldier immediately lunged at him, and the two engaged in one-sided combat.

The REDs had just gotten in from a rather… devastating defensive round, and were all in various states of injury from minor cuts to Scout currently being throttled.

"You two! Knock it off!" Engineer shouted, rubbing his temple. He had been trampled by multiple intruders due to a malfunction in his sentry, and had been almost overwhelmed.

Soldier complied surprisingly quick. Then again, whenever the Engineer of all people was in a bad mood, you know things are bad.

"Now boys. I know that today was… bad-"

"Understatement..." Spy muttered, a cigarette dangling from his lips. He had gotten away with relatively minor injuries in exchange for a very bruised ego.

"Quite disastrous, in fact." Medic chirped, bandaging a deep wound in Demoman's leg from the two being blown up from a make-shift bomb from the intruders.

"Thankfully, I already dinnae remember it." Demo slurred sleepily, dozing off as soon as Medic was done.

"Mmmhphmmm." Pyro grumbled.

"Damm, really Pyro?" Scout's eyes widened.

"Mmhmm."

"Anyways!" Engineer interrupted. "There are a multitude of factors of why we struggled out there the most. The most important being-"

"I swear if you say teamwork, I am going to walk right into gunfire at the next sign of danger."

"No, Spy. Not that. My sentry's been on the fritz for the past few days, and our weapons aren't exactly in the best condition. Especially… since…" Engineer trailed off as the atmosphere grew sullen. It wasn't exactly… easy to talk about their recent employment change.

"It is fine. Have fought with less before." Heavy mumbled from his spot on the bench. Sasha had run out of bullets during combat, so he had to fight off the remains forces, with the bruises to show for it.

"Yeah, we crush them like, every time, Engie. What's the difference?" Scout replied with a shrug.

"The difference, Scout, is that we don't have a fall back. Things are different now. Very different." Engineer turned away, pulling out blueprints with a determined look on his face. "I'm gonna be a while. Don't kill eachother while I'm gone!" Engie walked into his workshop without another word.

"...Oi got a bad feeling about this." Sniper lamented from his perch.

(Title Card: Meet The Aimbot)  
-

Sparks flew from a large machine as the Engineer connected the last two wires together. The machine was about the size of the average sentry, and had a green screen. Displayed on the screen was the beginnings of programming and loose data.

The Engineer pulled up a chair and stated at the screen for the longest time. "Now, let's see what I can do to improve the trajectory…" He tapped a few keys, and frowned as the sentry's data appeared. "No more improvements? Can't be…" A few more taps confirmed that the sentry's data was at its peak performance.

Engie drummed his fingers, then slammed his fist down as an idea struck. "Got it!". He opened up the program and cracked his knuckles. Time to get to work on a brand new program…

(3 Days Later.)

"Go, Go, Go, Go!"

The mercs were gathered around the 'meeting' table. Originally, Spy was going over battle strategies, and then Soldier, being Soldier, immediately tuned out everything Spy had said and had challenged him to an arm wrestling contest. Now normally, Spy wouldn't participate in such inane foolishness.

Then again, when you've brushed shoulders with death so many times in the last week, you get a bit more daring.

"Holy crap, he's doin' it! He-He's actually doin' it!"

Despite pushing with pretty much everything he's got (and an extra dose of 'Kill me, come back stronger' pills.) Soldier couldn't make Spy budge any further down.

Sweat creased Spy's brow, but other than that, he appeared fine. Soldier bared his teeth in a determined grin as he pressed further. Just as Spy's arm began trembling, the door to Engineer's workshop burst open. "Fellas! I've done it!"

The sudden noise was enough to throw both Soldier and Spy off, jumping in surprise.

"Aww, geez, Engie! You couldn't have waited till they were done?! I wanted to see Spy's arm snap in half!'' Scout threw his hands in the air.

"You can get back to whatever y'all were doing-." Engies eyes widened. "Wait, really? Spah?"

"A trick I picked up some time ago." Spy absentmindedly lit a cigarette. "I don't use it for something so immature, but-" Spy looked up to see the entire team filing quickly into Engie's workshop. "...Why do I even bother." Spy sighed in discontent and followed them inside.

Inside of Engie's workshop, the merc's gathered around Engineer and the big glowing monitor. "May I be the first to introduce my newest triumph: The Aimbot!"

"Wowww… What the heck is it?" Scout pointed at the monitor.

"I haven't turned it on yet, hold on..." Engie punched in a few commands, and the monitor's screen lit up. "This, fellas, is the Aimbot program!"

The monitor blinked a few times, and then a mass of pixels formed a very… familiar face.

"Hello. Dell!" The program smiled warmly. Strangely, his voice skipped around and his mouth didn't open.

Scout reeled back in shock. "HOLY- What the hell is that?!"

Spy raised a brow. "And why, pray tell, does it look like the bushman."

"Oh, that's my input. You see, fellas, I couldn't upgrade the sentry any further for more power, so why not create an entirely new program to improve the accuracy? And Sniper's got the best aim, so it made sense."

Sniper rubbed the back of his head. No one could really see, but he had grown red in embarrassment. "That's uh, kind of you to say, truckie. I don't really get it, but uh… thanks."

"Dell. Who are they?" Question marks formed from the pixels around Aimbot.

"Aimbot, this is the rest of the guys."

"Ah. the rest of the team! Hello, my name is Aimbot!"

Pyro approached the monitor and waved cheerfully. A new friend! How exciting! "Mmmhprrroo, huddrrh!"

"Yes. I know who you are. Pyro. I know all of you. in fact! Dell programmed me to recognize each and every one of you so I don't accidentally shoot you!"

"That's creepy as hell, man." Scout backed away.

"I assure you. Scout. I'm completely harmless!... to the team. Hahaha." Despite the sincerity in his voice, Aimbot had a very mechanical laugh. And yet, the team couldn't help but laugh along either. Perhaps the 'Aimbot' program did more good than any of them thought.

"Aye, the bot knows jokes! He fits in already!"

"What a curious little thing! He's almost life-like!"

"This… Aimbot… maybe be more social than the real Sniper. But how can you be sure that it will serve it's purpose-"

BOOM

An explosion rocked the base. "There's your answer, slim! C'mon, fellas!" Engie scooped up the monitor (surprising the Aimbot), and ran out the room, grabbing and cocking the shotgun that lay just outside the door.

-  
"To your right!" Aimbot beeped as the sentry turned and shot at the advancing figure. The bullet grazed the figure's shoulder, eliciting a cry.

Scout grabbed the figure, and drop-kicked them over the defensive line as the last of the intruders retreated from the base.

"Yeah, dat's right! Leave, you freaking pansies! Oh, oh, I got one better! Uhh… oh, yeah! Vete a la mierda!"

"Congratulations, Scout. You learned basic Spanish to insult people."

"Screw off, Spy."

As those two bickered, Engle approached the Aimbot with a proud grin. "Mighty fine job out there, Aimbot!"

The sentry whirled around."Thank you for your encouragement, Dell! I'm happy to be of use to the team. I'm sure that one isn't coming back."

"...You hit him in the shoulder, mate.' Sniper leapt down from his perch. 'It'll sting for days, sure, but he isn't exactly… dead."

"Oh? And where would be the most effective place to shoot for eliminating the subject?"

"Easy. You aim for the head."

Aimbot blinked. "The Head. Like this?" Aimbot aimed the sentry towards Sniper's head.

"HOLY-" Sniper leapt away from the sudden spray of bullets.

Aimbot powered down the sentry. "I don't find that very effective. You're always watching out for your head, because it is essential for cognitive function."

"You-you didn't have to use me for bloody target practice!" Sniper exclaimed, jabbing a finger at the bot's screen.

"I don't recognize that tone of voice. Are you. Not happy?" Aimbot's screen tilted.

Sniper blinked, stunned. "...No?'

"That. Doesn't seem right. Perhaps there's an error in your functions?"

"Aye, Engie! Think there's something wrong with your bot. It's acting like it's never seen someone blow up before." Demo shook the engineer's shoulder.

"...Robot does not know what feelings are." Heavy concluded rather quickly. A chorus of 'Ohhhhh…' followed afterwards.

"Ach. It'd make sense! No emotions means no consequences." Medic rubbed his chin. "Hmm… no consequences… interesting…"

Ignoring that, Engie approached the Aimbot, and slung an arm around the monitor. "Well, Aimbot here is an AI. He's very adaptable. Shouldn't be too hard to teach him about people. Who wants to go first?"

-  
"Uh. I don't even know where to start with you. Do you know who you're talkin' to? Do you have any idea? Who I am?" Scout lounged in a chair in front of the Monitor.

'"Yes. You're the Scout. You are very fast."

"I'm basically a very big deal around here. You listening?"

"I am listening."

"Ok, ok. Grass grows, birds fly, sun shines and me? I hurt people. I'm a force of nature." Scout tapped the monitor.

"Nature? You don't seem the type? I don't understand."

"Not the type?! If you'se was real, you wouldn't last 5 minutes where I'm from."

"But I am real. I am talking here with you now."

"Word of advice? I'm the realest guy you'll ever meet." Scout jabbed a finger at himself.

-  
"If fighting is sure to result in victory, then you must fight! I read it from a book. Sun Zhu said that, and he knows a lot more about fighting than you do, robot, because he invented it!" Soldier poked the monitor.

"Hmm. My database does confirm that Sun Zhu indeed said that. Continue!"

"And then he perfected it so that no one would best him in the ring of honor! And then, he used his fight money and bought two of every animal on earth! And then he herd them all onto a boat, and beat the crap out of every single one!' Soldier punched his fists together repeatedly. 'And from that day on whenever a group of animals are together it's called a Zoo! Unless it's a farm!"

Aimbot's monitor fell over. Dizzy swirls appeared all over Aimbot's monitor, including the AI's eyes. "Let me process that into my database. You are very-" The machine jumped. "Ecstatic about the subject."

"Of course I am! It's all pure American tactics! And you, robot, are American! But you are also a robot! But I can still teach you everything I know about the art of war!"

"Ah. I do need an update to my database. Tell me more!"

"Yay! I enjoy this enthusiasm! You will be my greatest triumph over all robots!"

-  
"Mmmrhpeh?" Pyro lifted up the cup of 'tea'.

"Hmm. I cannot consume this. But thank you."

Pyro lifted the teacup and placed it next to Aimbot's monitor. Pyro sipped his own cup of tea, and then folded their hands in his lap. They tilted their head curiously at Aimbot. How funny! Another Sniper joined them! At least it wasn't another Spy. That would be fun, though…

Aimbot blinked. "My database says that you like fire. I've never seen a controlled fire."

Pyro shook with excitement. He launched out of the chair and leapt over Aimbot's monitor and gathered a bunch of old newspaper. They then put the paper in a neat little pile, and set it ablaze. They then skipped merrily over to the monitor, and turned it around. Aimbot tilted his monitor.

"It looks. Dangerous. But also. Warm. Like my circuits."

Pyro clapped and hugged the monitor. He really liked this Sniper! They always got weird looks whenever he showed the other's the fires. Pyro felt as if this was going to be a beautiful friendship.

-  
"You are a Demolition expert. Tell me. Is it hard?"

Demo took a sip of his whiskey. "If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sitting here, would I, lad?"

"Ah. Very true."

Demo slung an arm around the monitor. "Aye. Dinnae worry about a thing, little bot. I've been doing this since I was *belch* a wee lad."

"Yes but. It is dangerous. One crossed wire or a wayward pitch of potassium chloride and-"

"Kaboom!" Demo fell out of the chair. He quickly stood back up. "It's all a risk of the job, lad. What's life without a little risk?" he offered the bottle over, pouring a bit into the wayward teacup. "Ye gotta step outta your comfort zone, lad."

"Hmm. I suppose."

"I am Heavy Weapons Guy. This is my Weapon. I call her 'Sasha'." Heavy placed the mini gun on a nearby crate.

"Hmm. Very nice minigun. That seems about right."

Heavy sat down, a frown on his face. "You do not have name."

"What do you mean? I do have a name. I am Aimbot!"

"Is not name. It is title. Robot needs proper name." Heavy patted the monitor.

"I don't follow."

"That is fine. Have Engineer explain. I will figure out name for you."

"I. Suppose."

-  
"Dell. I have a question."

"What's your question, Aimbot?" Engineer took a seat.

"Why are. You here?"

Engie folded his hands into his lap. "I can answer that. I'm an engineer. I solve problems. Not problems like what is beauty, because that would complicate anyone's views of philosophy. I solve practical problems."

"Practical. Problems?"

''Course. Our current situation was one of those problems, so I solved it with the answer that never failed me before: With a little more gun."

"I am. A solution?"

Engineer shook his head. "Not just that, Aimbot. You're a teammate. You help keep things going, like a bunch of cogs in a machine."

"I see. Thank you. Dell."

-  
"Hello, Sniper."

"G'day, Aimbot." Sniper refused to make eye contact as he sat down

"I. Apologize for before. I did not mean to use you as my target."

"Ahh, no harm done, I guess." Sniper scratched his head.

"You are. A Sniper. You aim for the head. Why?"

"Simple. Snipin's a good job, mate. Challenging work. I guaranteed you won't go mad. Cause at the end of the day, long as there's two people left on the planet, someone is going to want someone dead."

"That is. Satisfactory. I'm sorry if I had made your feelings change about me."

"Feelings?" Sniper leaned in close to the monitor. "You aren't hurting my feelings, bot. You wanna know who has a lot of feelings? Blokes who bludgeon their wifes to death with a golf trophy. I'm a professional. And professionals have standards."

"Dell told me that feelings. Are natural. I think. Does not compute."

Sniper crossed his arms and leaned back."That's just rubbish, mate. Feelings will get you killed."

"I don't follow."

"Just remember: Be polite. Be efficient. And most importantly, Have a plan to kill everyone you meet.:

-  
"Why do. You stare. Spy?"

Spy tented his hand together, cigarette hanging from his lips."...'ow much do you really know about us, Aimbot?"

"My database only displays habits, behaviors and class names."

"Hmm… Good."

"Do you. Want me. To update my database?"

"Non. That is not necessary. However… you couldn't have picked a better appearance?"

"Dell chose it for me. I don't see any problem with it."

Spy chuckled ominously. "Of course you don't. You're programmed not to."

"It's simply protocol. Spy. No problems detected."

"Keep telling yourself that."

-  
"Oh, I just couldn't wait any longer to talk to you, you little miracle of life!" Medic beamed, a sharp grin crossing his features as he sat down in front of the monitor.

'"What do you mean?"

"Ach, sorry. I'm getting ahead of myself. Tell me: How does it feel to be alive?"

"What is that. I am real, yes. But what is Alive?"

"Alive? You can think, you can breathe, you can feel… but never mind all that. Do you mind if I take a look at your circuitry?"

"Do you have permission?"

"Oh, ja. I already asked Dell." Medic waved a hand away. The mad doctor stood behind the monitor, examining the various wires. "Ah. Machines are like vital organs, ja? Do you feel anything when I do this?" Medic yanked the cord.

The monitor screen blinked briefly, but Aimbot's expression remained the same.

"Hmm! Not at all. Though, I wonder…. Wait here!" Medic speed-walked out of the room, and came back with the Medigun.

"My database doesn't recognize that gun you're holding. Doctor."

"This! Is of my own invention, my curious little friend." Medic powered on the Medigun, and pointed it at the monitor. "Now tell me if you can feel this!" A red beam trickled out of the gun and floated around the monitor.

"Hmm. I don't. Feel it."

"Really? Let me try somewhere else." Medic stepped behind the monitor, and aimed at the bundles of wires and circuits.

A spark came from the monitor, and the monitor blinked rapidly. "An unknown error has occurred. Running diagnostics to determine the problem." Aimbot droned, the screen flickering. And then, it stopped.

"Aimbot? Can you hear me? Was there any damage?"

"No. I am running my security program to check for any marginal errors as we speak. I am confident that it was just a glitch. It happens. Sometimes." Aimbot blinked.

"Wunderbar…"  
-

(Later that night)

It's pitch black in Engie's lab. The only sound is Aimbot's quiet whrrrring.

And then, a spark erupted from the wires.

Aimbot powered up, blinking. "Dell? Is there something wrong? My diagnostics show that there's no sort of abnormalit-"

Ba-dump.

'Huh? What is. That noise-'

Ba-dump.

'Is that. Me? My programming would have picked up-'

Ba-dump.

*Zzzzpt*

A stray spark jolted from the monitor, and Aimbot froze up as the monitor lit up with error codes. It flashed through a series of colors, before shutting down. Smoke rose from the machinery. And then it rebooted, a steady beat similar to a heart monitor echoing.

"What… happened? Dell? I don't feel so… so…" Aimbot's eyes widened from within his screen. "What is this feeling?! Is this what they meant?! Is this?! Alive?!"

A rush of knowledge entered the bot's database. And suddenly, he was aware of the room he was in. The machinery around him, the bits and pieces of metal, the discarded blueprints.

Everything made sense, and yet, it didn't.

But he could fix that no problem. It was in his programming, after all.

(That morning)

"Scout, save some pancakes for the rest of the fellas." Engie teased, bopping Scout on the head.

'Ah, c'mon Engie. I'm a growin' boy!' Scout leaned against the counter, adding a generous amount of syrup to his plate.

"Boy, fertilizer couldn't help you. How much more growing do you need to look your age?"

"Uh, a little more. I'm already handsome enough. But not too much, I don't wanna end up old like Sniper." Scout shuddered. "Or Spy."

"Oi can hear you loud and clear, Scout." Sniper muttered, hunched over a cup of coffee. "We ALL can hear you."

"Good! I wanted ya to hear!" Scout plopped down in a chair, then bit into a pancake. "End uhf disshcushhin."

"Ugh. Scout, please. You should've at least learned table manners at this age." Spy rolled his eyes.

Scout swallowed. "I ain't listening to a guy who's eating crusts."

"These are crepes."

"Exactly. Crusts."

"Why do I even bother with you."

The door opened with a slam. The entire team turned to see a robot made of mismatched parts in the doorway, it's head slumped over, one hand on the door. The robot lifted it's head. It looked... a bit like the Sniper Bot made by Gray Mann.

"Oh, hell nah. I ain't dealin' with this shit in the mornin'." Scout stood up, brandishing his fork as a weapon.

Soldier jumped out of his chair. "Let's go fists! Time to stop the robot revolt again! Huttah!" Soldier leapt towards the robot… and crashed into the wall right next to it. "It moved.. the wall…"

The robot put up its hands in defense. "No-no! Wait! Let me explain! Dell, please!"

Engie looked stunned. "...Aimbot? Is that you?"

Aimbot let out a titter, and wobbled towards the engineer. "Oi made it meself! It's not the best, I admit, but all you had were scraps."

"Dear god, it sounds just like him." Spy sat back in horror.

The Engineer shakily placed a hand on Aimbot's robotic face… and broke into a grin. "Would ya look at that… you've created something"' Engie beamed proudly.

"Really?! Oh, thank you, Engie!" Aimbot's uneven hands shaked in excitement.

The rest of the team stared in horror. What the hell happened to Aimbot?! Heavy slowly turned and looked at Medic warily. "Doctor…"

"Don't look at me like that, Heavy. I didn't do THIS to him, as much as i'd like to take credit." Medic huffed. "Although… this is very fascinating. Listen to how lively he is now!" Medic grinned.

But no one was as weirded out as Sniper was. Or fascinated. It was hard to really tell. "Holy dooley…" he was at a loss for words.

Aimbot turned to Sniper, sparking with excitement. "Pretty ripper, ain't it?!"

"Dat... Is disturbin'..." Scout pointed, backing away.

"Now, fellas, I know it's a bit of a shock, but Aimbot is still our Aimbot. He just has a movin' form now!" Engie clapped a hand on Aimbot's 'shoulder'. "Besides, think of all the advantages of having a moving sentry!"

The team shared wary glances, but a moving sentry was very tempting…

"WHOOHOOHOO!" Scout cheered as the intruders went flying over the fence. The rest of the team jeered as many of them started scrambling back to their vehicles.

'How do you like the taste of boot up your ass?!' 'That was so easy, I'm actually getting worse!' 'Run home, babies!' 'Ye didn't expect that from a drunk, did ye?!'

"A fine job, Aimbot." Engie clapped as the remaining opposition scrambled away from the bot. Aimbot tittered happily as he switched the sentry to 'standby'. A thought suddenly crossed him.

"Engie? Why do we shoot at those other people? You don't want me to shoot you guys, so why not them?" Aimbot turned to the Engineer.

"You see, Aimbot. Those are intruders, trying to claim our base as their own so they can be closer to the town. The town payed us to keep them from raiding." Engle shook his head and chuckled. "Guess I forgot to program that into you."

"I…' Aimbot tilted his head, 'See. Thank you for the information, Engie. I'll have to update my databank on this subject." Aimbot swiveled around on his feet, and walked off.

Engineer frowned at the change in Aimbot's tone. Then again, Aimbot hadn't experience the horrors of war like they had. Perhaps he should talk to Aimbot tonight, help him understand what war was, if Soldier hadn't fed him his version yet.

The rest of the team finished their jeers and were heading back inside, but then-

BOOM

A small explosion sounded from the inside of the workshop, rattling the fortress. Engineer immediately ran towards the noise, but the door was jammed. He started banging on the door. "Aimbot?! Aimbot!"

Not hearing an answer, he motioned the other mercs over, and they all pushed against the door while Engie fiddled with the lock's mechanisms.

'Push you maggots!' 'Keep pushing!'

The door flew open from the inside, and the mercs landed in a heap. Aimbot turned around from the noise. "Oh! Sorry about locking the door. I got busy."

The team untangled from the pile and froze. 4 sentries were pointed at them, not including Aimbot, who was shaking in the middle of the turrets. His mechanical blue eyes scanned each of them, then focused on Engineer.

"Dell. I'm going to ask you again: Why do we fight these people?"

"Aimbot, this is our job!" Engie cautiously approached, barely flinching as the sentries focused towards him. "I know ya don't understand right now, but I will explain. This isn't necessary!"

Aimbot's head tilted in curiosity. "Then tell me. Why take another life? My database tells me of many wars. Mindless bloodshed… why would someone do that? It's not… right…"

Engie frowned at the sad tone of the robot. "That's just how life is sometimes, Aimbot. Sometimes people just start wars, even for the littlest reasons. But sometimes they're is a good reason-"

"I was created to kill! What kind of solution is that!?" Aimbot snapped. He then slumped. "I'm sorry for yellin', Dell. But.. that isn't a practical solution at all. I did some… digging." Aimbot took a step back. "The company you worked for… it was all for nothing but killing, wasn't it? You're all sick. Sick in the head..." The bot's voice wavered.

"Aimbot, you're not listening-"

"No! I don't wanna know what you did! You're all system errors! Glitches! Rabid animals! And you know what they do to the latter?!" The sentries aimed, clicking into position. "They get put down! Let me demonstrate!"

All at once, the sentries fired rapidly. Engineer leapt to the side as a turret sprayed an impossible amount of bullets into the ground. The team dispersed to avoid the onslaught, grabbing their weapons.

"You brought this upon yourself the moment you told me what I am!" Aimbot bellowed over the gunfire, mechanical body shaking in rage. "I trusted that this was the best course of action any of you could take. But I was wrong!"

Scout slid under the barrage and slammed into one of the sentries, quickly bringing his bat down on the barrel of the gun. The sentry sparked and broke apart, sending Springs in various directions. The other three quickly spun towards scout's direction and fired, but Scout was pulled pulled away by a cloaked Spy.

Demoman had hastily put together a molotov, and loaded it into his gun. He aimed at the sentry closest to Aimbot, and fired, cringing as the bomb exploded prematurely, but breathed in relief as two of the sentries lit aflame. Soldier barreled by, quickly smashing into one of the flaming sentries and threw it into the other, an explosion rocking the entire room.

The last sentry ran out of bullets, but Aimbot didn't take notice as he was blown off his feet, slamming hard into the wall. "AAAAHHH!" The bot collapsed into a heap of mechanical limbs. Aimbot started to pick himself back up, but was pushed back down by a heavy boot, flailing like a crushed bug.

Engineer approached the bot, his wrench in hand. A grimace crossed his face watching the poor bot struggle under Soldier's boot. He exchanged looks with the others, and frowned "Sorry, little fella…"

"No, no! E-engie! What are you doing?!-" Clang!

The mercs smashed away at the aimbot with whatever scrap of metal they could get their hands on.

Smash! Wham! Crush!

Aimbot's pleas died away as the bot's robotic shell fell into scraps. The team grimaced at the sight of the once lively little bot.

"...It had to be done…' Engineer lamented. 'He just didn't understand… Aimbot just wasn't ready for the world. Poor little fella just wanted an answer." Engie scooped up the remains of the bot. "Maybe we'll try again another time."

"I'm gonna miss that little bot. A toast to you." Demo slurred, sadly gazing at the scraps.

"It was kinda creepy, but he was... somethin'? I dunno." Scout offered.

"I preferred him over the real thing." Spy said bluntly.

The rest of the team awkwardly shuffled about as Engineer put the bot's remains in a box for Pyro to burn away.

"Ach. Don't beat yourself up too badly, Herr Engineer. Creations are… peculiar! Besides, he's still just a robot." Medic offered as the rest of the team left.

"Yeah. Thanks, doc. Aimbot was a prototype, anyways. It's not as if he's that adaptable, right?" Engineer took one last look behind him, and shut the lights off.

(The end)

(Incoming Transmission…)

 _This was a triumph…_

 _I'm making a note here: Huge success._

 _It's hard to overstate my satisfaction…_

 _I've done my research:_

 _You do what you must, because you can_

 _For the good of all of us…_

 _Except the ones who aren't red._

 _But there's no sense crying over every mistake._

 _You just keep on trying, till you run out of cake._

 _And the science gets done, and you make a neat gun._

 _For the people who are still alive..._

 _I'm not even angry…_

 _I'm being so sincere right now…_

 _Even though you broke my heart, and killed me._

 _And tore me to pieces._

 _And threw every piece into a fire._

 _As they burned it hurt because I was so happy for you!_

 _Now these points of data make a beautiful line._

 _And we're out of beta we're releasing on time._

 _So I'm glad I got burned, think of all the things we learned!_

 _For the people who are still alive!  
_

… _.  
Go ahead and leave me…_

 _I think I prefer to stay inside._

 _Maybe you'll find someone else to help you…_

 _Maybe your old boss?_

 _That was a joke, ha, ha, she's dead.  
_

 _Anyway I shouldn't keep rambling, it's not good ethics at all._

 _Look at me still talking when there's science to do._

 _When I look out there, it makes me glad I'm not you._

 _There's experiments to be run, there is research to be done._

 _On the people who are still alive..._

 _And believe me I am still alive._

 _I'm doing science and I'm still alive._

 _I feel fantastic and I'm still alive._

 _And while you're dying I'll be still alive..._

 _And when you're dead I will be still alive…_

 _still alive..._

 _still alive...  
_


	2. The Most Dangerous Game(show)

Episode 2

' _C'mon, go go go!'_

 _Two figures leapt over a ledge just as an explosion set off. A short, pudgy girl and a tall, lanky boy, both college-aged, ran alongside each other, the short girl holding a briefcase. Determination was set on each of their faces, before morphing into panic as another explosion set off just to their left and blasted the young man out of the view. The young woman tripped, briefcase breaking her fall, before she sat up and turned around, hearing a sharp whistle._

" _Aw, You gotta be f***ing kiddING MEEEEE-!" She exclaimed, screaming as the rockets hit, Flying away and smacking right into the wall on the far side of the field._

 _*_ _**Bang** _ _* "OOF."_

Scout snorted out a laugh as the girl slide off the camera. "Did-didja see her face?!" he bent over, pounding the sofa arm as he tried to catch his breath.

"Poor bomb always gets ye when ye least expect it." Demo took a drink.

Pyro shook their head. "Muhphmmm-huhdda."

"Oh, yeah, that was freakin' nasty. I felt that in my soul." Scout jabbed a finger at his chest.

"Did someone say soul?" Medic asked as he walked by. His expression quickly turned sour. "Ach. Figure of speech. Never mind…" He looked at the television, a curious expression appear "Hmm. That looks painful. What is it?"

" _ColorField Wars_. It's like, for really hardcore people." Scout jabbed a finger out the window. "Soldier's trying to mimic the craziest stunts outside."

As soon as Scout said that, they could hear Soldier's war cry from the roof as he leapt off and crashed through the window, swinging on rope. Demo and Scout jumped back into the couch while Pyro applauded.

"See? They did the trick wrong! You are supposed to crash with style! Not face plant! For shame…" Soldier shook his head, climbing off the coffee table.

Engineer stuck his head into the room, frowning. "Solly! How many times did I tell you not to break the window?!"

"Let's see…" Soldier counted in his fingers. "One. Two. Four. Five…" While Soldier was busy counting, Engineer surveyed the damage.

"This is an easy fix… let me just grab the safe and-" Spy decloaked at that moment, spooking the Engineer. He handed the safe to the shorter man. "Don't bother checking. We are running low on funding."

"Spah, I did the calculations." Engie grunted as he opened the safe. "We're perfectly fine-" He paused, seeing only a couple of hundreds. "...Darn." he shut the door.

Engine turned around. "Fellas. Which one of you went in the safe?" he spoke calmly. That was the scariest Engie. None of the others met his eyes.

"My bat broke, ok?" Scout draped himself against the couch arm.

"I needed a drink. It had been 3 days, so dinnae give me that look." Demo explained, holding up a finger.

"Mmuhumphum."

"Blood cannot pay for itself, yknow-"

"Ok! Ok! This is fine." Engineer interrupted. "We just have to find some money. That should be easy enough. Any suggestions?"

Scout raised a hand. "I could get a job?"

Engie rubbed his head. "Son, everyone knows you can't stand still long enough to work in retail."

"You don't know that!" Scout jabbed a finger out. The rest of the team gave him a look of disbelief. Scout pouted in defeat, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. "I don't see any of you chuckleheads comin' up with answers."

Soldier slammed a hand on the coffee table. "You are wrong, son! I came up with one just now!" he jabbed a finger at the TV screen.

"Solly. Ye know you're like a brother to me. But that has to be the craziest thing you could've said." Demo sipped his drink. "I'm in."

"That's fine. I'm not going to degrade myself on television." Spy said, immediately walking away.

"We don't need ya anyways! Teams are only 6 members!" Scout shouted at Spy's retreating form. "But, like. You can't be drinking during the competition. Stupid warning card said so…"

Demo hung his head in disappointment. "Aye. Fair enough."

Pyro poked at his gas mask. "Mmmphmhuh."

"Shit, that's right. No one with breathing shit either." Scout rubbed his neck. "Crap, this harder than I thought..."

Soldier suddenly lifted Scout up, shaking him roughly. "That's quitter talk, maggot! Quitter talk is not allowed anywhere in this base!"

"Ok, Ok, geez I'll stop with the quitter talk if you stop shaking me!" Scout shouted, voice warping due to how hard Soldier was shaking him. Soldier practically dunked him on the couch.

"Augh!...Hey, Soldier's shaking made me remember there's nine of us. So even if Spy's being a prick, we still got six members. Me-" Scout points around. "Soldier, Medic, Engie, Heavy and Sniper."

"...I don't loike what I just walked into." Sniper held his hands up, backing out of the room and past Heavy.

"Don't you DARE abandon this team, Sniper!" Soldier stabbed a finger at Sniper, who froze in his tracks.

"Fellas, this isn't a smart plan. What if some of these teams are better trained?" Engie lifted a hand in explanation.

The entire team stared. Then they all bursted out laughing. Engie wiped a tear from his eye. "I thought I wouldn't be able to say that with a straight face."

"So. We go on game show. To win money. How much?" Heavy asked, arms folded.

Scout tapped his chin. "The host guy said first person to beat the show wins 10 million."

"Mhufuhhmmhmm?" Pyro tilted their head.

"Yeah, but there wasn't a lot of sign ups, so they amped up the prize."

Heavy looked satisfied with the answer at least. Sniper, on the other hand, was starting to leave again. Soldier saw this and lunged, holding the poor bushman above his head. "You are going to learn to be a team player, even if I have to shove it down your throat and into your soul!"

"Bloody hell-! Alright, just put me down, you-AUGH!" Soldier dropped Sniper onto Pyro's legs. "Keep him steady, Pyro. And don't let him escape! Hup Hup Hup!-" Soldier turned on his heel and marched out to the van.

"...Ok, so any of us know where it is?" Scout asked. Everyone turned and stared at him. "..What?"

(Title Card: The Most Dangerous Game(show)!)

* * *

" _Ladies and Gentlemen, and all citizens across four counties! Coming to you live, it's the top rated show in all of New Mexico...Colorfield Wars! Here's your host, Sho P. Yins!"_

Silence. And a cough, but mostly silence

" _...Ah, crap, we started way too early. Shit…"_ the sound of footsteps echoed away.

Within the only bulding on site, a sharply dressed man with gelled brown hair and a cane looked over at two teams, sipping a glass of water. " _Hmm. These teens are entertaining, but It need something more… explosive. Maybe if-"_

*Thunk*

The host looked over to see a box tipped over and nine men walking by, the one in a gas mask setting the box back up.

The host blinked. " _Huh. Perfect!"_

The team wandered around the only bulding on sight. Scout, Demo and Pyro were shaking with excitement.

"Ok, you guys listenin'? This? This is like, the 3rd greatest day of my life." Scout exclaimed, waving his hands around. "Look at all this! Unbelievable!"

"Scout. This is a bunch of props." Spy snorted.

"Maybe if ya actually spent time with me, you'd understand that this shit is freaking awesome." Scout poked him. Spy slapped his hand away.

"I still don't see why we can't just hold the bloke at gunpoint. Be much easier that way…" Sniper mused from the back of the group.

"Simple. We don't have bail money either, herr Sniper." Medic patted him on the head. Sniper grumbled in response, reeling away into Soldier.

Soldier wasn't having any crap for disobedient teammates. He pulled Sniper down by the front of his shirt. "If you know what's good for you, you will give your all! No camping! Unless there's a campfire!"

Sniper decided it was best not to grace that with a response.

That was enough for Soldier, so he dropped Sniper, dusting his hands off in pride, then suddenly stood taut.

Sniper looked up to see the host, a sharply dressed man with way too much hair gel.

"Well, hello there." he extended a hand down to Sniper, helping him up. "Fans of the show? That's nice. No one's allowed in here unless you're involved." he took a breath to call for security, then Scout leapt forward, grabbing his arm.

"Nonono, no security! We want in on the show! I ain't taking no for an answer!"

Mr. Yins pushed Scout's arm off of him. He blinked. "Huh. Never had a fan directly say it to me. Usually I give them an application…" he looked at the mercenaries, a smirk growing. "But I like what I see. Which means…" he turned and pointed off screen. "Green Team! You are relieved from competition!"

"Aw, come on!" the chubby girl from before threw her hands up in disbelief.

Host Yins tutted. "Nope. Sorry. You're funny and adorable, but that's about it."

"I drove all the way down here from Virginia, too…" the girl walked off pouting with her equally sad teammates.

Spy, being Spy, was suspicious. Engineer beat him to the question, putting a hand on the Host's shoulder. "Don't ya think that's a little drastic? What's wrong with 3 teams?"

"Insufficient funding." Yins replied quickly.

That seemed to sate Engie as the team followed behind the host, only for him to pull Spy aside.

"Spah. Could you look into that?" Engie whispered.

Spy lightly pushed him away, dusting off his suit. "Fine. I'll see what I can do with that information." he pulled out his disguise kit.

It was at that moment, one of the kids from before had rushed by, knocking Spy over and breaking the device.

Engie turned to scold the college kid, but found him hunched over, like he just lost his lunch, before vomiting into someone else's bag.

Spy stood up, tucking the disguise kit back into his jacket. "How unfortunate… but I'll keep my eyes open."

Engie nodded, before following the host along.

Yins bent down to retrieve a small stack of papers from a box, and turned back around to present the stack to the team.

"I don't have a proper office, so this will have to do. This is a form stating that if you were to… pass… on the show, you wouldn't hold us liable. We do have all the warnings up." He gestured around the set. Sure enough, there were multiple hazardous warnings plastered in corners.

Immediately, the team erupted in laughter. Heavy reached down and patted the host's shoulder. "Was good joke. We have seen many harsh days."

Yins blinked, then laughed quietly. "Ah. So confident, aren't we? Now-" He put a hand to his chin. "I've noticed that there are nine of you. We only do teams of six."

"We worked that out before coming here-" Engie started, until Scout cut in.

"It's gonna be me, him-" he pointed around at Medic, Sniper, Heavy and Soldier. "that guy, this guy, and those other two."

Yins tapped his pen and blinked. "I'll just… label you with numbers." He turned away. "Just go over ro that room, there's some refreshments. I'll call when it's time." he waved them off.

As the team walked away, Engie whispered to Scout, "Really, son?"

"What did you want me t' do? I'm bad with fake names! I woulda called you all Paul or Dwayne!"

Engie just patted the Scout on the back. "Next time, leave the naming to the professionals."

Scout stuck his tongue out, before joining him and the other for drinks.

The man handing out the drinks (which was just water) robotically jerked out his arms, an unnerving grin appearing. "Well, hello! Are you new to the show for today?" he asked, head tilting.

Most of the mercs were unnerved by the strange man's unnatural perkiness, but were polite enough to nod as they passed by.

"...I wonder if he's being paid to smile like that…" Sniper mumbled as he passed by. Suddenly, the man turned to him, pushing the tray towards him, smile growing.

"Here! You look really dry."

Scout bit his tongue trying not to laugh.

"Uhm... Thanks?" Sniper smiled awkwardly, slowly backing away with one of the cups. The man then turned, thrusting out the tray to the rest of the team. "Here! I don't want anyone to get dehydrated."

"Non, i just drank." Spy walked away, unfazed.

Pyro shook his head with a "Mmm-mmph." and walked off. They didn't like water that much, anyways.

"Waaay ahead of ye'." Demo took a long drink as he wobbled away.

The rest of the mercs gave the man a strange look, before Scout pushed him away with one hand and grabbed the tray with the other. "Fiiine!" The man barely even flinched. His smile relaxed and he spun on his heel, walking away.

"Geez...Some people!" Scout muttered loudly as the others took a glass from the tray. Engie slapped his shoulder. "Manners, son." He cleared his throat, and lifted the glass. "Here's to 10 million!"

 _Clink!_

Scout downed the water at almost lightspeed, then gagged. "Eww, what in this?"

Medic took a long look at his glass after taking a sip. "My guess?... it's filtered- Scout, have you been drinking the water from Teufort?"

"...Noooooo?" Scout's eyes looked away. Medic shook his head in disbelief, cackling softly at the absurdity.

* * *

A bit later, Spy, Demo and Pyro looked over the fence at the ginormous obstacle course with a bunch of other people.

"This has got to be the stupidest thing Scout has thought of. With a team effort, no less!" Spy muttered, cigarette dangling from his fingertips.

Pyro put a finger to his mask, and leaned in close. " _Shhhhhuh_!". Spy groaned in irritation, rolling his eyes as he let the cig fall, snuffing it out with the heel of his shoe. "This better be worth it."

Demo waved off Spy's complaints, and leaned over. "Aye! Start the show already, whooooo!" Pyro immediately joined in with cheers as the rest of the crowd started shouting for the show to start, too. Spy face-palmed. Idiots, all of them.

" _Ladies and Gentlemen, and all citizens across four counties! FINALLY! Coming to you live! it's the top rated show in all of New Mexico.. ColorField Wars! Here's your host, Sho P. Yins!... Hell yeah, finally got the time right-"_ the announcer's voice faded with the sound of footsteps

Yins strolled across the field, waving like he was royalty or something. The crowd roared with applause. Spy simply put in earplugs to focus more on this strange man. He didn't know what it was, but Yins seemed... off. And he was damn sure it wasn't the excessive hair gel.

"Gooooood evening, ladies, gents and randos of all ages!" Yins motioned behind him. "Behind me, we've go some veeery impatient players. On the left, our reigning champions, Yellow Team!"

A bunch of college kids were swinging around weapons as they ran to the start with a battle cry. They were all covered in war paint, and had murder etched across their faces.

"...Well! _Ahem-_ And on the left! Our newcomers, Red Team!"

"Hah, where have I heard that before-ow!" Scout rubbed his head where Engie had bopped him. They filed by without any other issue, casting amused glances at the Yellow Team.

"Poor kids. They're barely older than little Scout." Heavy chuckled at the starting line.

"They will be honorably dismissed... By my foot!" Soldier laughed, which prompted the others to laugh.

Yins blinked, before lifting a pistol towards the sky. "When I give the signal. it's gonna be a bloodbath! Let's give it are all out there for all our competitors, and remember to always troll the area!" Nobody noticed some of the competitors go ridged at the reminder, almost as if remembering something, but quickly relaxed.

"Ready?... And... Go!" He fired, and the teams scrambled away. Yellow Team scrambled into the wooden structures while the mercs hid behind a bunch of rocks.

"Ok, fellas... what do we have for a game plan?"

"They're kids, ain't they? We go in with these... things... and destroy them!" Scout twirled the paintball gun, nearly shooting himself in the eye. Red paint splattered on the rock behind a dazed Sniper.

"Yo, Snipes, you good?"

Soldier shook Sniper by the collar. "Are you sleeping with your eyes open?! Impressive, but we don't need that now!"

Sniper's head lolled, before his eyes widened and he shook his head. "Bloody... What're we doin' again?"

"Uhh, trying ta win 10 million? Hello?"

Sniper took off his aviators to rub his eyes. "Oh, right... That." His eyes swirled around. "I'll go with any plan. Even if it ain't m'own."

"I have plan." Heavy rumbled. "Is simple. We do old tactics, but without bullets."

Everyone groaned. Paint just couldn't be as satisfying as bullets.

* * *

Scout went charging in, screaming at the top of his lungs as he fired bullets. The Yellows weaved through the paint and fired back with both their own paints and their own screaming.

"Heheheh..." Sniper snickered from his perch behind a rock.

"Sniper! He's coming around the corner, move move move!" Soldier shouted just of screen.

To the other mercs surprise, Sniper just shrugged. "Yeah, sure" He lifted the paintball gun, and fired, catching the poor Scout in the eye.

"OW-What the fuc-AAAAAAHHH!" Scout was pelted with yellow paint as he leapt over the rocks and away from the paint fire. The other mercs watched Scout wriggle on the ground like a dying worm, trying to rub the paint out of his eye. Without a word, Medic dropped a cloth on Scout's head.

While Scout was wiping his eyes (and getting more paint all over his face), Sniper slid down from his perch, only for Soldier to start shaking him."Mutiny! Blasphemy! Saboteur! Why would you shoot one of your own?!"

No one was expecting Sniper to start laughing. "W-what?! Heheheh... He was in my line of sight!" He tittered, squirming out of Soldier's grip and held his sides as he cackled in joy.

Scout rolled over and tried punching him in the stomach. "You freakin'-aaaah!"Only for Sniper grab him and shake him.

"You-you should! Have seen the look on your face! Ahahaha!" Sniper ruffled Scout's head, despite the protests.

"What's gotten into him? I've never seen zhe Sniper so... lively." Medic whispered to Engie. "It's unnerving..."

"Really? That's unnerving, doc?" Engie shook his head, eyes widening. _Where did that come from?_

Heavy pulled the laughing Sniper away from Scout, who was fixing his hat.

"You! Stop laughing at little Scout. Little Scout already knows he is little man." Heavy scolded loudly. Weird. Heavy was only loud when he had Sasha...

"Oh, i'll stop, mate. I'll stop the moment he stops looking so punchable." For emphasis, Sniper punched Scout just before Scout could try and punch him again. "See? Too punchable!"

Soldier grabbed him again, this time looking very serious instead of his usual confusion. "If I have to crack your skull open and make you cooperate myself, I will!"

"Noted. Now put me down, sarge." Sniper's face twisted into the biggest shit eating grin as he said that, a far cry from the stoic Sniper they knew.

Soldier dropped him, grumbling as he scooped up the discarded gun and leapt over the rock akin to how he rocked-jumped.

"Freakin'... what the hell, Sniper?!" Scout whined. "If I have a freakin' shiner, i'll kill you!"

"Oh, stop whining! You're fine!" Sniper waved him off as he left, shoulder checking Medic as he passed by. "Wuss..."

"Rude today, isn't he?" Medic hissed at Sniper's retreating form.

"Ah, forget him, he's just being a dick..." Scout huffed in annoyance before realizing no on was listening to him. "Whatever! I'm gonna go back in. AT LEAST ONE OF US IS FREAKIN' COOPERATING!" He shouted in Sniper direction

* * *

Spy wasn't stupid (infact, he was one of three mercs that had any common sense). He knew there was something wrong. First off, there was only Scout and Soldier running around. Second off, there wasn't any cooperation. No strategy, no planning, just a bunch of unchecked lunatics running around.

Spy decided his fellow teammates were idiots, and focused on the Yellows instead. From what he could tell, the Yellows were bloodthirsty animals. So... not unlike his own team.

But unlike his team, which was basically unchecked plutonium, the Yellows were like attack dogs: as soon as an enemy entered their line of sight, they lunge. Other than that, they, too, did not have a strategy. It was mindless carnage.

And that was very suspicious. But leaving to investigate now wasnt on the table. Not with the host inside the building. Unless?

He took a look around. The fans were still cheering, Pyro and Demo were either cheering or drunk, and there was a clear shot towards the building.

Too convenient. As much as he disliked this, he'd have to wait. He turned back towards the course, waiting for just the right moment...

* * *

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod!" Scout ran. He didn't know where, but as long as it got him away from the landmines, he ain't asking questions.

"What kind of game show uses landmines, anyway-AAAAHHH!" Scout stepped away too late, and was blown into the air, flailing and screaming a totally manly scream.

Engie poked his head out from behind a rock to see an un-armed Yellow jeering at the airborne Scout, gun discarded, and took aim. "Shoulda kept your hands on the gun, boy!"

Suddenly, the Yellow was painted bright red from the side, as a laughing Heavy appeared, arms winding like pinwheels as Medic kept handing him paint bombs.

"Do you like zhe taste of paint?! Ahahahaha!" Medic clutched his stomach as he laughed so hard, he cried.

"What-" A glob of paint smacked Engie in the face. He was so distracted, he got shot by a lucky Yellow. Or so he thought, since the paint was _Red._

Sniper giggled like a maniac, even as Soldier marched over to start shaking him again. "What did I tell you about teamwork?!"

"Calm down, mate! It's not like anyone's actually dying! How about to get that stick out of your ass and relax!"

"War! Is! Relaxing! Maggot!" Soldier shook Sniper with each word.

"Would you two act like adults before we-" another glob of paint (this one yellow) hit Engie hard enough to take him to the ground. "Dag-nab-AAAAHHH!"

An onslaught of Yellows descended from the sky (in truth it was probably from behind a boulder), coating the mercs in bright yellow paint.

A buzzer went off, and all players dropped their weapons in alarm.

" _Point: Yellows!_ " The announcer's cheer echoed across the field. The fans went into a delighted frenzy.

Host Yins carefully made his way onto the field, face scrunched in concentration as to not accidentally step in any paint.

" _Ahem..._ Well.. I'll say that was chaotic. Were gonna take a quick commercial break to hose down our competitors, so don't go anywhere!" He surveyed the surroundings and shuddered. "Can somebody get a wet paint sign out here? And a mop? Can't have any stains in the rocks... No, really!"

* * *

"What the Fuck was that?!" Scout whined, soaked in hose water that may or may not have lead in it.

"Quit whining, Scout, you sound like a child." Medic gritted his teeth in annoyance.

"It was not Scout's fault!" Soldier whirled around and jabbed a finger against Sniper's nose. "It was this one's fault!"

Sniper sputtered out a laugh. "Oh, please! I'm the one carrying the team, Solly." He poked Soldier in the chest. "You just need to keep up the pace, old man." He grinned nastily.

"You need to learn your place, because i am the leader! And you were the one Saboteuring the match!"

"Will you two stop yelling at each other! God damn, why are you two so annoying?!" Engie butted in, shoving both.

"...You stop yelling..." Soldier muttered, pouting like a child.

"Why am I the problem?! Heavy's the one who gave away our position!" Sniper shoved back.

"You are one who shot teammate!" Heavy stepped forward.

"Our plan was perfect until herr Sniper lost his mind!" Medic snarled behind him.

"Hey, how about you about all shut up?! I was the one gettin' shot at the whole freakin' time!" Scout whined louder.

"Nobody gives a crap, Scout!" Sniper snapped. He folded his arms. "You all play like chickens with their heads cut off!"

"And you're any better, stretch?!"

"Bloody- I'm better than all of you!" THAT sent everyone into a frenzy.

"Tiny Sniper is no match for fire power that is Doctor and I!"

"Yall would be lost without me!"

"Hah! I could lead this team in my sleep!" "Ach, you already do, you simpleton!"

"Is anyone even paying attention to me?!" "NO!"

As the mercs continued arguing, Spy came by with Demo and Pyro in tow. He opened his mouth to say something, only to pause at the sight before him, the others going from simply arguing to shoving each other and fighting like... well, children.

"Aye! What's with all the fighting, lads? I thought you all just went easy on those yellows?" Demo swayed.

"We WOULD'VE if Sniper wasn't a Saboteuring camper!" Soldier jabbed a finger at Sniper.

"Oh, calm down. Don't blame me for you shortcomings!"

Pyro tilted his head. "Hmmmphmmmm..."

Scout scoffed. "Uh, yes it is, Pyro. These bastads have their head up their asses while I'm doin' all the hard work!"

"Running is hard work?!" Medic sputtered out a laugh.

Spy rolled his cigarette between his fingers. Odd. It wasn't unusual that the other mercs could be moronic and, at times, dangerously stupid. But this? They were all acting like children, even the somewhat sensible Engineer and Sniper.

Or at the least, they were just being very immature.

Fine. He'd play mediator. "What. Is the problem." Spy strained out the question, gritting his teeth at the end.

Immediately, all of the mercs pointed at each other. Sniper voiced his complaint instead. "I don't know why your all blaming each other. It's all of your faults, not mine."

The other five then pointed their other hand at Sniper.

Spy turned on his heel to said sniper. "And your problem is?" He gestured, trying jot to roll his eyes.

"Problem? I'm not the problem. They're the problem. It's not my fault they're aren't good enough." Sniper shrugged.

Soldier shoved Spy aside before the frenchman could even say anything. "Aren't good enough?! I could mop the floor with your face AND their faces!"

This did not settle well with the rest, and all six broke out into an unintelligible argument. Spy took a step back, a miffed expression appearing.

"...What jus' happened?" Demo slurred.

"...I don't know." Spy narrowed his eyes. "But I don't have a good feeling..."

Pyro shook his shoulder, pointing behind. "Hmm! Hmmmmmphhh!"

Spy turned around to see Yins approaching, a strange expression etched on. It looked like concern, but looked too artificial, almost as if practiced.

"Hey, hey. I can hear you all from the other side of the field, yknow? If there's any concerns, I don't mind if your not up to the challenge."

The other six mercs almost immediately stopped arguing, turning around with desperate faces.

"Nononono-wait, crap! I can totally handle it!" Scout waved his hands around.

"Are you mocking me?! I can do it! It's just that THIS ONE-" Soldier jabbed a finger at Sniper. "Is a Saboteur!"

"That-That's not even the correct word, schweinhund." Medic slapped his forehead.

Spy narrowed his eyes. Of course. It had something to do with the host.

"Well... I do like your dynamic." He patted Sniper on the shoulder and ruffled Scout's hat despite his protests. "There's some refreshments. Were taking a 30 minute break, it won't hurt."

Spy took this opportunity to slip away, pulling along a confused Pyro and Demo. Time for some 'investigation'.

* * *

Spy weaved around some rocks (why are there so many rocks?), and looked around, before pulling Pyro and Demo into a huddle.

"I need a distraction. I don't trust this... Yins. It appears he has some sort of hold on our fellow mercenaries."

"Hfffummmphuhhum?"

"Not that kind of hold." Spy rubbed his nose. "I know this sounds abnormal for me, but I need you to be as loud and destructive as possible."

"And what're you plannin' to do, uh?" Demo swayed. "No, wait I get it. Some spyin'. Fair enough, aye. I dinnae like what he's done to Solly and the others... uh...what did he do?"

Spy flicked his cigarette away. "For now, I don't know. That will change very quickly... stick to the plan, or we all might end up like that."

"Mmhmm." Pyro gave him the 'ok' sign.

"Wait, what?... Aye, forget it. Let's go blow up somov these rocks, Pyro!" Demo slurred as a dangerous grin crossed his face.

Pyro lifted his arms and cheered, and you could see a brief look of fear cross Demo's face before following the cut-loose Pyro.

Spy pinched his nose, shaking it in annoyance. Mon dieu, these buffoons would get him killed. But alas, he was the one who gave them the instructions. He slunk off, heart pouding as he jogged back over to the building. On closer inspection, it was multiple buildings attached to each other. Because of course they are.

Then again, are these things ever easy? Spy hid behind some more weirdly placed rocks (that weren't even the same color as the dirt) and waited for his chance

"WHOOOOO!" Ah, there it is. Some sand blew up in his face as the force of the explosion shook the field.

"HMMMHUHHH, YEEEEEH!"

"You show those rocks whos boss, Pyro!"

"HOLY SHIT, WHO'S BLOWING UP THE ROCKS?! MY BEAUTIFUL ROCKS!" The announcer bounded out of the building with about 5 buckets of water.

Spy quietly slipped inside, pushing a chair against the door. Hopefully, they were stupid enough to fall for such a simple thing. Hmm, now where to start-

Oh.

Spy facepalmed for the tenth time today. The entire room was bathed in bright blue light from a screen. Was it intentionally obvious, or was he losing IQ points?

This had to be a trick. No one was stupid or prideful enough to display something so-

Obvious...

"Clever bastard..." Spy shielded his eyes from the light and scanned the corners of the room. Sure enough, there was something covered in a curtain, just brkow the light. Spy made his way over, and cautiously lifted the curtain.

A door flew open right where the curtain was, and Spy leapt backwards in shock.

"Oh. Hello there." Yins blinked. "I should have known you'd be here. Your loudmouthed friend is... well, that's just stating the obvious, no?" He smiled, his tone dripped in false security.

"You. You did something to them, didn't you?"

"Wow, you're smart. Should have given you some water, too. Alas, I did end up with a very nice consolation prize." Yins strolled passed Spy, knocking against the wall. The wall fell over like a piece of cardboard, and behind it were monitors glowing bright blue.

"The water?..." Oh. How did he not see it? He had considered it already, but it just seemed too science-fiction to even consider it. But how do you prove something as convoluted as mind control?

"It wasn't _just_ water. It was my in cocktail of... 'relaxants'." Yins air-quoted. "Subtle, but very effective, I mean, you don't get this good at hosting if you don't have sheep following your whims, ah?" He bumped the screen with his elbow. "Even now, it's affecting the strongest individuals. Why do you think you were overlooking _alllll_ this?" He twirled around, wiggling his fingers in Spy's face. "Subliminal messaging~! Woooooooo-"

Spy shoved him away. Such a sad, strange man. But at least he was talking.

Unless-

The wall behind him fell open, and he felt hundreds of eyes burning into his back.

"Enjoy the sheep!" Yins gave a sly wave goodbye, before turning and running like hell out of there.

"Oh no-" Spy turned around just as the Yellows advanced, eyes wide and bloodthirsty. Suddenly, a rock smacked the Yellows away, and Pyro appeared, dusting their hands.

"Yhhhuukhh?"

"...Yes." Spy mumbled. "Thank you, Pyro,"

Demo jumped over the rock, panic showing. "Incoming, boyos!" The field rumbled, and all three mercs were made _very_ aware of the rapidly approaching crowd.

Pyro pointed at the advancing crowd. "Shhhwhhkllum?"

"Non. We can't afford it. This is drawing out far too long for my liking." Spy snorted.

Demo scooted over, grabbing both by the collar and charged through the deranged, mind-controlled crowd.

"Getemgetemgetem!" "This is for ruining my favorite show!" "Hey, who the hell are you, anyways?!" "I drove from Virginia for this, you m***********s!" "Stupidstupidstupid-!" "Why do we all have such awful aim?! Just hit them for gods sake!" "Hey, Fuck you man!" "You wanna go, bitch?!" "Fight, fight, fight, fight!"

The three tuck-and-rolled out of the crowd of crazed civilians as they dissolved into fight each other instead.

"...I'm going to kill that damnd host... merde... my suit..." Spy dusted himself off. Pyro started shaking him. Hard. "What now?"

"Take it easy lads, this isn't you!" Demo cautiously approached the six othe mercenaries. But there was something different. It was probably either the frothing or the swirling eyes, to be honest.

"Ah, they can't hear you. They're like... attack dogs." Yins appeared from behind the mind-controlled mercs. "Haha. It's almost funny in a way." The host patted Sniper and Soldier on the head. "It just starts with two, and the rest just follow suit. Well, unless we're counting the help from some drugs, then that's just pretty much it." He shrugged. Then Yins's expression turned malicious. "Sic 'em."

With what sounded like a mix of barking and a battle cry, all 6 charged forward. Spy took one look towards a discarded camera, and sort of grinned as he picked it up

"Huh. You have no idea how long I've been wanting to do this." He stood still, even as Medic swiped at him like a feral cat, before kicking him right in the crotch, nd slamming him int the back with it.

"That. Was for last week's incident." Spy looked over the Medic as he groaned in pain.

"Ow! Solly, heel! Gaaaauugh! Stop biting my leg you bleedin'- AAAAHHH!" Demo shook his leg, trying to get Soldier from chewing his leg off like a rabid dog.

Pyro checked his nails(through their glove?), holding Scout away with one hand. A shadow casted over Pyro, who gulped as Heavy punched him (and Scout) into the air.

Spy weaved and dodged various stray punches and kicks, and tripped Engie (which was admittedly very cathartic) over. He straightened his collar, only to grabbed by the neck by a cackling Sniper.

"Oh, I've been waiting for this!" Sniper grinned, shaking Spy around.

"Ugh. You were even tolerable before this..." Spy muttered, before kicking him in the stomach.

He backed away, right into Demo and Pyro.

"Boyos, this may be it. I can't fight them off, it's as if they're fearless!" Demo nudged both of them behind him.

"Non. They're drugged, aren't they? It's a... simple method, but we have to drench them."

"Wot?/Huudda?"

Spy pinched his nose. "Dump. Water. on them."

"Ohhhh..." Demo and Pyro nodded slowly. A light bulb went off in Demo's head. "I saw sprinklers everywhere! IL door it, but I dinnae if it'll work." Demo grabbed Pyro and Spy again and darted off. "Follow me, ye bastards!" He shouted back at the irate mercenaries.

And they did follow, like wasps to... well, anything.

Demo practically threw Spy and Pyro at the sprinkler system (how convenient), before getting swarmed.

Spy reached over to turn it on, only For Pyro to start hacking at it with an axe. Before Spy could berate the giggling Pyro, water erupted from the sprinklers like pressurized gas.

The entire field was soaked, including all the people feuding and the mercs, who were comically frozen mid-fight.

Sniper shook his head, pushing up his glasses and rubbing his eyes. "Bloody- what the hell?!"

"Auugh! Shit, my head hurts!" Scout gripped his hat and head.

"This is... big joke? I am not amused."

"Whoever did this, I'm getting his head. Un you can't stop me!"

"Can I have it when you are done?!" "No!"

Engie looked bewildered. Then his expression turned serious. "You!" He pointed off in the distance to Yins, who was sitting on a rock. "Let's get 'em, boys!"

Spy was barely aware of eight people blowing by him, and turned around to watch, only to realize that Yins wasn't panicking.

"Stop, you idiots, it's a trap!"

"Aaaaaaand, that's my cue!" Yins hopped up, patting a blue curtains covered object. "Well, this was a bust. But the show will go on! Juuuuust not with these psychos." He waved, and pulled off the curtain. "Ta-ta for now!" He shouted as a bright light enveloped the area.

* * *

Spy looked around. Here he was, sitting in a field. He was aware something had happened, but couldn't remember what.

He just knew it had to have been something stupid. And wet, judging from his soaked suit.

"Spy, look what we got! Some idiot left 10 million in some shack! Whateva', it's ours, now!" Scout bragged as he walked by.

"It was probably you, Scout." Spy snarked, but followed him aware the rest of the team stared dreaming about what they were going to waste the money on.

Him? He was going to buy new suits.

But no hair gel. Why?... He honestly didn't know. Hmm. Strange.

Hell figure it out one day. It's already itching at the back of his head, so it must be important.

...Probably.

* * *

Episode 2. DONE. I'm sooooooo sorry for making you all wait so long! Happy Halloween!


	3. And Now For The Weather

_Episode 3_

 _"Hello, and welcome back to Channel 3 Action News in sunny Los Dusblanca!" A charming man waved at the camera. "I'm Sulien Birch-"_

 _"And I'm Soleil Storm! Now, here with the on-the-spot weather is our dear friend, Breezie Skye!"_

 _The camera abruptly turned to a woman in a brown pantsuit standing in the street. She fluffed her hair as a tumbleweed blew by in the background._

 _"Well, Soleil, today it's very windy and very cloudy, so there is a high chance of rain in the near future." She motioned around the block. "Its a beautiful day here, and the residents are out enjoying such rare weather in these parts!"_

 _Almost as if planned, something exploded off-screen. Breezie didn't flinch, but she did look annoyed. "SOME- ahem… more than others."_

 _The camera swiveled around to a building. It wasn't on fire, but there was something on fire in front of it, if that made any sense._

 _"Whoo-hoo yeh!" A masked person(?) jogged right up, sticking marshmallows on a stick and holding it over the hazardous flames._

 _"My Car!" A man cried off screen as the camera focused on Breezie again. She absentmindedly patted her hair, shuffling around nervously._

 _"No-no matter the disaster, the civilians of Dusblanca always-" An explosion rocked the camera, and Breezie stumbled ungracefully. She fell on her bottom as a few more men ran passed her, panic across their faces._

 _"Nonono- Pyro! You can't do that with gas fires!"_

 _"Yo, put down the marshmallows, those are mine-"_

 _A big man approached the camera, plucking it out of the cameraman's hands with ease as it zoomed in on his face. "Sorry. No camera footage. Is too dangerous."_

 _"Hey, give that back!" The camera swiveled around to Breezie and the cameraman. Breezie attempted to grab it from the man, but he held it too tightly._

 _"Nyet. Go away. You can get new camera."_

 _"That's news station property-" the camera swiveled away, and was sent flying through the air towards the fire with a powerful throw._

 _"Nonononono-!" Breezie cried offscreen as the camera landed right onto the blazing car, and the feed cut._

Breezie shuffled awkwardly in her chair, sinking down as the rest of the news crew stifled laughs at her misfortune.

Sulien paced in front of projector, tutting. "Breezie. Breezie, we love you so much, but this? This is the 3rd camera this week." Sulien shook his head. He looked out the window, putting a hand to his hair. "Any more of these incidents, and we'll have to reconsider your promotion." He sounded sincere, but the tone was anything but.

"Those incidents aren't even my fault! I see these… red guys all around town! The only reason the mayor hasn't tossed them out is because of those bandits across the border!" Breezie exclaimed, throwing a hand out.

"Breezie, we don't tolerate that kind of negativity." Soleil scolded, her tone similar to a teacher scolding a small child. "It's not our fault that Dusblanca is so close to the border."

"We've worked around those guys before, you just have to...ah… 'predict the unpredictable'. Y'know?" Sulien air quoted. All Breezie could see was his and Soliel's very fake grin.

"Just take… uh…" Soliel looked over her clipboard. "...Gale, here to the next city over, and try again." Her grin grew wider. "Just remember! This is your last shot. No broken cameras!" With that, Soleil turned on her heels and strutted away, ushering everyone out and leaving her alone.

"...Motherfuc-"

(Title Card: And Now For The Weather)

"Ok, fellas. Now remember what happened yesterday..." Engineer lectured as he drove the RED Bread truck (which was looking a _little_ too worn-out to be functioning at this point) down a long strip of road.

"We can't just go around all willy-nilly like before! People are a lot smarter here than Teufort." He tapped the steering wheel, not looking back at the others. "Now I'm not gonna point any names in particular… but I was pretty sure that Scout was watching Pyro last, so-" A loud snore cut him off. Scout was happily snoozing away, hat tilted down over his eyes.

Engie sighed and honked the horn. "Scout!"

"Wha-OW!" Scout jolted up and out of his sleep, banging his head against the roof. "I'm up, geez! Whadya need?!"

"Scout, I've told you time and time again 'bout the 'buddy' system!" Engie shook his head. "We have a chart, for God's sake!" He exclaimed as he pulled down a chart out of nowhere. "You even signed it!"

Scout leaned in, squinting. Sure enough, yesterday was signed "Scout" in chicken scratch.

"You can't prove that was me…" he muttered, sitting back with his arms folded.

Engie pinched the bridge of his nose. "Forget it. Its my turn, anywaAAAAYYY-"

The entire team looked out the windshield and screamed as suddenly, the world was blanketed in white, then black, covering the RED BREAD truck in a matter of seconds.

The back of the truck slid open, and Heavy dug his way out. It took all of two seconds to realize what had hit the truck. "...It's snow."

"Snow?! What-" Scout poked his head out of the giant mound, shaking snow off his hat as he started to chatter."AAH- that's freaking cold!" He was suddenly shoved out of the mound as Pyro flung himself into the snow.

Pyro gasped. Mounds of sugar covered the world before them! It was really cold, though. He watched it melt on their palms as the rest of the team dug their way out to join them.

The other mercenaries, however, weren't as excited. "It's August, h-how is it snowing in b-bloody August?!" Sniper chattered, shaking like a leaf while the others set off to dig out the truck.

"Ach, don't be such a baby." Medic shook snow off of his coat. "It's only a little bit-"

"T-to you-!" Sniper chattered, too cold to argue further.

"-But you are right, snow in August is unusual in this country. Curious. But also fascinating!" Medic cackled.

The truck was soon free of snow, and Engineer immediately popped the hood. He tutted, slamming it back down just as fast. "The engine got too cold too fast. Looks like we're walking to town, boys."

"Piece of cake!" Scout waved it off. He paused, hearing Sniper chattering next to him. "A'ight, not entirely cake."

"Mmhmmphkh." Pyro walked past Scout as the team huddled together for warmth.

"Ah geez, now I want cake, too…" Scout grunted, but that was drowned out by the howling winds.

Not even a mile down the road, the mercs had separated. Heavy and Medic were far ahead, used to the cold weather, with Scout and Pyro close behind. Sniper trailed far behind, arms crossed (or probably frozen to his shirt), barely managing to keep up with Engie.

Soldier crawled dramatically through the snow, icicles hanging off of his helmet. "This… this is not how I die! Not to frozen water! I refuse!" He collapsed face first into a pile, hands stretched out in front of him, and groaned sadly.

Demo appeared behind him, digging him out of the snow and poured alcohol onto his helmet. "Dinnae worry, I got ye Solly." What sounded like a muffled "thanks" came from the snow.

Scout looked back. "Yo, what's taking you so long back there-holy crap, Sniper turned blue!"

"Now Scout, you're being ridicu- Oh, hell..." Engie looked over at Sniper, voice trailing off. Against all laws of reality, Sniper had turned blue. Not that he'd notice, as he was practically a statue at this point.

Engie picked up the frozen Sniper and picked up the pace. "Don't worry, stretch. We'll find you some warmth." He chuckled softly, shivering. "Got damn, it's cold out here…"

Pyro stumbled, mumbling grumpily to himself. Pretty sugar snuffed out all their matches! Oh? What's that in the distance? A toasty gingerbread house! He bolted ahead, skipping with renewed vigor.

In reality, the building was the weather station, it's lights bright enough to be seen through the flurry. Pyro didn't really care, throwing open the door in joy.

"S-shut the door, geez! It's too cold- AAH!" A janitor threw up his mop in surprise as the rest of the mercs barreled in for warmth.

"Sorry for the intrusion! Not like you don't mind sharing the warmth, right?" Medic grinned. The janitor shook his head, gulping in fear.

Pyro wasted no time in preparing a fire, giggling happily. A cameraman shuffled in from down the hall, holding his camera protectively behind him.

"Uhm… what did i just walk into, who are you people-Oh my god, Its the Red guys." The man took a step back, clutching the camera even tighter.

Engineer walked towards him, hands gesturing in caution. "Well..." He peered at his nametag: "Gale… We were cold. Somof us a bit too cold-PYRO!"

Pyro held Sniper above the fire, head cocked in confusion. "Whh?"

"Just… put him down NEXT to the fire." Engie sighed- "Excuse me for a moment-" -before darting towards Pyro "-Pyro, no, not that close!"

Demo took a swig from his flask, and a look of recognition appeared. "Say… aren't ye the lad Heavy swiped the camera from?"

Gale pinched the bridge of his nose. "Yeah? That costed like 300 dollars, by the way…" He shuffled awkwardly, folding his arms.

"Did the weather call for bloody snow?" Demo gestured to the entrance, where Heavy was fighting the blizzard wind to shut the door.

"Hah! This isn't natural weather. I should know. I know the person who helped me make it." Gale muttered as he wiped his knuckles against his shirt.

That got the rest of the Mercs' attention. In a flash, they crowded around the cameraman. "Vhat do you mean 'make it'?" Medic leaned in eagerly.

"...Exactly as i said it?" Gale awkwardly backed up, right into Heavy.

"Explain, Tiny Weatherman." Heavy rumbled, intimidating the poor cameraman.

"Uh… Well…" Gale took a breath. "My boss, quote on quote, kinda needed a big break after the last few weeks of INTERRUPTION-" He emphasised through clenched teeth, giving his best death glare. "-So we made a weather machine… sorta."

"Uh.. Weather Machine?" Engie adjusted his goggles. "Well that just breaks all laws of nature!" He paused as the info sank in, then said in the most serious voice. "...Let me take a look at it."

Gale crossed his arms as he turned to leave. "I would if I could, but Breezie took off with the dang thing! At least I know now how she used it!" He gestured outside to the howling blizzard.

"We weren't asking, son." Gale turned back around at the sound of guns cocking. Engineer tipped his helmet back with a hospitable grin. "Hey don't look at me like that, they're all pretty trigger-happy."

Gale lifted both his hands in defense. "Fine, Fine! What do you want?!" He soon regretted asking that.

"Wheeehhhhh!" Pyro stuck their head out the window of the weather van, a floppy winter cap blowing in the breeze.

"I can't believe we freakin' stole a weather van!" Scout excitedly gripped the front seat as Engie drove. "How are they gonna report this?! They ain't, that's what's happening!"

"Now i wouldn't say we stole the van, Scout. Just took the keys and all their nice winter coats." Engie swerved around a gigantic mound of snow. "But wow, does this van turn like a champ!" He stuck his head at the window and looked up. "You see anything up there?"

Soldier stood on the roof of the van, leaned forward even as snow covered him. Sniper peered out from behind one of the satellite dishes, still shivering even with two coats on.

"I think he's f-frozen, m-mate." He knocked on Soldier's helmet, the corner of his mouth scrunching at the hollow noise it produced. "Should've worn th-th-the coat." He chuckled, shivering harder.

"So uhh… what are we looking for?" Scout narrowed his eyes trying to look through the blizzard.

"The most unusual sight _aside_ from the snow, Scout." Spy flicked his lighter in attempt to light another cigarette.

" _Thhhts Unhhsuhhuh_!'

Spy dropped the lighter in surprise at Pyro's shout. All of the mercs looked out the front mirror at the gigantic…

...Snow palace?

The van screeched to a stop in front of the out of place palace. Pyro threw the door open and sprinted out to marvel at the palace. Ooh! If only he had remembered to make his rainblower snow-proof!

Soldier broke free of his ice statue position, shaking icicles off his helmet. "I was expecting a base, not a… princess castle!" He stopped in front of the door, then gasped. "Its a popsicle! Quickly men! We have to eat the door!" Soldier licked the door, even as his tongue stuck fast.

Heavy ignored all this and pushed the door open, stepping inside. The inside was reminiscent of a castle, complete with a grand chandelier."It's just castle. Nothing to be scared of-GAAH!-"

A ray of ice struck Heavy, freezing him in place.

Medic tapped the Heavy statue. "Hmm! How Unexpected. It'll be all right, old friend." He patted the statue's shoulder. "We'll get you out-AAAH!-" And then he was frozen as well.

Spy slapped his forehead. 'Stop admiring the ice you imbeciles!'

A machine whirred to life again, and Spy narrowly dodged another ray of ice. "Up there!" He pointed to a set of spiralled stairs and the remaining mercs sprinted up the stairs.

At the top of the palace, Breezie fiddled with the Weather Machine, typing as quickly as she could. Around her and the gigantic machine, various equipment and cameras were positioned.

She turned on her heel, and switched the cameras on, fluffing her hair as she finished the last adjustments.

"This is Breezie Skye with the weather report. Well, it would be, but this is a private viewing." She sat on the control panel as she gestured to the machine.

"This is my Weather Machine. 100% accurate every time. Because why? Because I control it. Therefore, I control the weather! And for the next… let's say, 2 years... We will be experiencing a massive Blizzard. Let's go to our responders. Soleil? Sulien?"

Breezie turned the camera around to a pair of statues. "You could say they're… a bit cold to me right now." She cackled, draping an arm around both Soleil and Sulien's corpses. "Ahh, showbiz…"

"Holy crap, this thing is huge!"

Breezie froze (not literally) at the voices. "Oh no. Not those reds again!" She darted back over to the machine, reaching up to grab a pair of guns.

"Hey, you!" Breezie turned back around, trying to get a grip on the ice cold guns.

"You froze some of our friends back there. You know this means we gotta get even, right?" Engie whipped out his own pistol, then stopped. "Damn. Guess we're a little late for that."

Scout knocked his fist against the statue. "...I think they're dead."

"Darn shame. Turning on your own team." Engie saw movement out the corner of his eye, and held tight as Breezie lunged and tried to wrestle the gun away from him.

Pyro lifted up their axe as the two tussled with the gun, visible sweat on their gas-mask. He didn't want to accidentally hit Engie!

"Give-give me that! I have a report to finish! Its your fault i almost lost my job!" Breezie clawed at him, eyes wide with mania.

"How do ye turn this thing off?" Demo punched at the keys as Scout smacked his bat against it. A ray fired off the machine.

"Steady, steady- AAUGH!-" Sniper froze in his spot, dropping the rifle.

"...Whoops." Scout scratched his head with the bat. Spy groaned in aggravation, nearly dropping his sapper in the process.

"If you're going to end up freezing someone, try those two!" He called to them.

"Yeah, sure!" Scout gritted his teeth as he swung harder." "Man it's cold in here…"

Breezie managed to kick the Engineer off of her, despite losing the gun. "Dont you dare touch my machine! You idiots have no idea how much ive sacked for this!" She pulled out a remote. "Ill crank it up to 11! Send the whole planet back to the ice age if i have to!" She growled, waving it around aggressively.

The wall behind her broke, and she turned to see Soldier barreling through the glass. "C'mere, Snow Queen!" He shouted as he rammed into her head first.

The force of Soldier's tackle threw her right into the machine, knocking her unconscious. The machine squealed loudly, sparking wildly and smoking.

"Its gonna blow!" Demo grabbed Scout and Spy, dropping to the ground. Engineer did the same, pulling Pyro, Soldier and the frozen Sniper behind the mound of equipment.

The machine's top exploded, shaking the entire room. Then it was quiet, with only the howl of the snow outside.

Medic and Heavy bolted into the room, arms at ready. 'What did Heavy miss?!"

"...I dunno why we had so much trouble with that lady. She was just one person!" Scout remarked as they piled into the van. The skies were clearing up, and the snow had slowed to a gentle flurry.

Engie pulled the van away from the melting castle. "What do you expect from someone who built a machine that defied nature?"

Pyro poked Breezie's unconscious form. She was tied up in multiple coats.

"Ah, i can't help but feel zhis was our fault." Medic mused. "Frau just couldn't take it."

"Yeah, well... Let's just drop her off somewhere." Engie sighed. "She aint gonna be happy about her "endless winter" comin' to an end."

"...How much snow ya think she put in the sky?" Sniper asked.

Engie thought about it, and groaned."...I don't want to think about it."

(End)


End file.
